100 years.

 A few weeks back, Dylan asked us if until what age will he reach or will he be. He recently got fascinated with age because of birthdays. So we answered he would be able reach until age 100. He got all excited because 100 is his favorite number and we really want him to live a long life. Then he also asked if mommy and daddy will also be 100. We said yes, of course and he went on his way back to what he is doing, we moved on as well.

But earlier today while having our lunch, he asked me, "Mommy, are you still going to be with me when I am 100 years old?" I was shocked and it took me a moment to respond to him. I said, I may not be here anymore when you are 100. Then he asked me another question, "Where are you going to be when I'm 100?" I just said I am going somewhere. Being inquisitive that he is, he was never satisfied with my answer. He asked again where, then I just said I will be going to be with Papa Jesus. 

His next question almost broke me to tears. He asked, "Are we going to be together again there?" (ok crying while typing this.) I said to him, Yes. Of course, I will wait for you there. He was somehow contented with my answer and then he said, "Is it going to be in Asgard?" Happily I said, "Yes, with Thor!" He smiled and continued eating his lunch. 

This conversation made me a little (ok, a lot.) sad. I just realized that being a mother is the easiest part, taking care of them, being with them is the most wonderful and exciting part of motherhood. What's hard is knowing that I will not be here forever to be with them, to take care of them, to make sure that they are ok, to make sure that they are happy, to make sure that they are safe. To make sure that they are loved. 

It is a hard pill to swallow, but we cannot do anything about it. All we could do is cherish every moment, be easy on ourselves, forgive ourselves, love immensely, be kinder, be more patient, and make sure we make the best out of the time that is given to us. 

Love, 

K